If you're like me, you're in lockdown and looking up weird stuff on the Internet. That means you get to entertain all sorts of bizarre theories about the secrets underlying our society.
For example, did you know that there is a Catholic saint named St. Corona! Like the Coronavirus!
Pretty shocking, right? There are some websites out there saying that she's the patron saint of pandemics, but all I found was that she was the patron saint of superstitions involving money, such as gambling or treasure hunting. Not all that helpful, and Corona isn't that uncommon of a word. Corona is Latin for "crown" and was used to describe original studies of similar viruses, which appeared crown-shaped under a microscope. Later studies revealed that the virus looks more like old naval mines.
Anyway, here's the other thing about St. Corona. Her remains are laid to rest in Northern Italy.
One of the countries that have been hit hardest by the Coronavirus.
Anyway, the story of St. Corona is pretty gnarly. Back in Roman times, when the chief pastime was feeding Christians to stuff, there was a Christian named Victor who was captured by soldiers and taken before a Christian-hating judge named Sebastian. For the crime of believing in some desert hippie, Sebastian sentenced Victor to be flogged.
One of the soldiers had a wife named Corona who was herself a secret Christian. As she watched the skin peel from the poor man's back, she was overcome with the injustice of moment and impressed by Victor's refusal to deny Christ even under torture. She revealed herself to the soldiers and the judge before kneeling beside Victor to comfort him and pray for his soul.
That went over about as well as one would expect. So they tied her to the top of two palm trees and bent the trunks to the ground. Then they were let go and the force was so violent that she was torn apart. They then beheaded Victor, because Romans were going for some kind of new level of farcical cruelty.
Needless to say, she's not the patron saint of palm trees.
Anyway, that's the wild coincidence between a very faithful, very unlucky woman, and the disease that has me rewatching Simpsons episodes for hours at a time.